Cloris Leachman vs. The Housekeeper
I’ve often bemoaned how one of the more frustrating things about my Random Roles for the A.V. Club is when I think something is funny but the person editing the piece doesn't. It’s an editor’s prerogative, of course, but it’s still frustrating…and let me tell you, I can still remember the frustration I felt with the runner that ended up getting cut from my Random Roles with the late Cloris Leachman, who was squabbling with her housekeeper in the midst of the interview. It seemed like such a perfectly Cloris thing that I had to put it in...and they apparently had to take it out.
Oh, well. At least now I can put it back in…or, rather, I can put together a piece and include just enough of the context around it to make it work.
What was it about this particular script that made you want to do [The Fields]?
Cloris: Oh, I just loved it. I loved the simpleness of it. They’re just living out there, and they have their work to do in the fields, and they just live a simple life and work hard. But it’s a very strong character, I think. Gladys. And I love my relationship with my family in it, too. Excuse me. [Leans away from phone.]
I’m going to sit here. I have a lot more interviews. [Pauses.] I’ve told you what’s going to happen. That’s what’s going to happen. I have several more interviews. What do you want me to do? [Pauses.] Well, I’ll finish this interview or not. [Waits for a response, then comes back to the interview.]
Just keep going. My housekeeper says she’s made some lunch for me, so… [Trails off.]
You do have a tendency to get a little anarchic at times. I was there when you more or less commandeering the Raising Hope panel at the Television Critics Association press tour.
Cloris: [Innocently.] Oh, did I? I’m very sorry. That was when someone asked me about Betty White and I said, “I never liked her,” wasn’t it? [Laughs.]
It certainly was.
Cloris: There are two of me sometimes. Like when I put my leg up on the table when I was on Dancing with the Stars. I didn’t decide to do that. My leg just went up there. It had nothing to do with me. I was as surprised as they were. “What is that doing that? How’d my leg get on the table?” [Laughs.] Oh, excuse me.
[Leans away from phone.] I want my lunch in here, please! Bring my food in here. Listen, I’m asking for something, I don’t want to argue about it, just do what I’m saying, please! My God… Sorry, where was I?
Well, I was actually about to ask you about The New Adventures of Wonder Woman.
Cloris: Oh, I certainly remember Wonder Woman. Who was the costumer on that? He was a famous man. Donfield? I remember him making by hand my hairpiece that I was wearing over my hair. It was all beaded. It was very beautiful, and he made it. He was very proud of himself.
Okay, you should probably go have your lunch.
Cloris: I will if they ever get it to me. But they want me to go out there…and I’m not coming! [Laughs.]
To wrap up, I want to remind you to go read that Random Roles as it was originally published, because it’s just fine, if a bit shorter than I would’ve preferred…although given that she was 85 years old and battling with her housekeeper at the time, I think I did just fine. That said, the anecdote that stands the test of time for me - like, to the point where it’s probably in my top-five Random Roles anecdotes of all time - is when she talks about Lassie.
All I can do is recommend that you read it while thinking about her comedic delivery. If I can ever lay my hands on the actual audio, I’ll post it, but just think about her reeling it off at top speed, and you’ll still laugh just as hard.
Oh, I have stories from that! [Laughs.] Every time I’d have a great idea, they’d say, “No, remember, Cloris: Lassie’s the name of the game.” I mean, I had what I’d call an egg-basket take, meaning I’d start to walk somewhere, and I’d have to stop the minute somebody started to talk—too early, really—so instead of continuing walking, I’d raise the egg basket I was carrying to give me a little more time to stop. Or I’d be washing the windows using a spray bottle, and the kid comes in with a broken leg or something, and I’d say, “Well, there’s chocolate cake and milk in the icebox.” I had a husband on the show, but he couldn’t do anything. He always had to be out in the north 40, because Lassie had to save the day. So I’d say, “Go tell Uncle Paul!”
On the show, I’d say something like, “Timmy, time for bed now,” and he’d say, “But I’ve gotta go check the rabbits,” or whatever. Then I’d look at my husband, I’d look back at Timmy, and I’d say, “Okay, but hurry!” But when you watch it in the air, after Timmy said, “I’ve gotta go check the rabbits,” I look at the husband, he looks at me, the dog looks at me, the boy looks at me, I look at the dog, the dog looks at the little boy, the dog looks at the husband, the husband looks at the dog… Finally, I look at the husband, the husband looks at me, and then I say, “Okay, but hurry!” [Laughs.]
So long, Cloris. Thanks for the laughs.