Something Streaming This Way Comes: "The Carpenters: Space Encounters"
For all the questions I have after discovering the existence of the 1978 TV special The Carpenters: Space Encounters, there’s at least one that I do not have: “Why did Karen and Richard Carpenter decide to go sci-fi?”
The two-word answer should be obvious to anyone who came of age during that era:
Appropriately, the experience of watching the Carpenters’ special is not unlike watching Star Wars’ own TV special from the ‘70s, in that it requires a profound tolerance for incongruous guest stars - instead of Art Carney, Harvey Korman, and Bea Arthur, you get Charlie Callas, John Davidson, and Suzanne Somers - and jokes that would even make grade-schoolers groan.
On the other hand, the music here is, at least for the most part, much easier to endure, with the Carpenters turning in performances of songs from several of their albums, including A Song for You (“Piano Picker”), Now & Then (“Fun, Fun, Fun”), A Kind of Hush (“Goofus”), and Passages (“Sweet, Sweet Smile” and - you knew it was coming - “Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft”), along a trio of tracks which would eventually end up on Carpenters compilations: the Rodgers & Hart composition “Little Girl Blue,” which landed on 1989’s Lovelines, and “Dancing in the Street” and the so-called “Space Encounters Medley” (an instrumental blending of John Williams’ scores for Star Wars and Close Encounters of the Third Kind), both of which can be found on 2001’s As Time Goes By.
Frankly, there are really only two performances that are likely to stop you dead in your tracks and leave you starting blankly at the screen: John Davidson’s cover of Billy Joel’s “Just the Way You Are” and a duet of “Man Smart, Woman Smarter,” which Karen sings with Suzanne Somers…and if I’m to be completely honest, the reason the Billy Joel cover has that effect is because Davidson croons it whilst wearing a white jumpsuit zipped down almost to his navel, singing to the camera in such a soulful, seductive way that it’s virtually impossible to look away.
Or maybe that’s just me.
(Look, I watched a lot of That’s Incredible as a kid. I’m sure would’ve had the exact same reaction if it was either Cathy Lee Crosby or Fran Tarkenton wearing that jumpsuit.)
Anyway, if your tolerance for cheesy ‘70s variety shows is sky high, then I highly recommend that you give The Carpenters: Space Encounters a look, but before making your decision, ask yourself these questions:
Are you the kind of person who’s going to ask, “Wait, if Charlie Callas is playing the Carpenters’ producer, then why didn’t they give him a character name instead of crediting him as playing himself?”
Are you likely to wonder, “How lazy do you have to be to cast John Davidson and Suzanne Somers as aliens and then name them ‘John’ and ‘Suzanne’?”
Can you picture yourself obsessing over where to purchase the necklace Charlie Callas is wearing?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, do not watch, as you will be distracted throughout the program.
Additionally, if you are asthmatic, then I advise you to bypass the nightclub scene in the second half of the special, not because of the sequence featuring robots which were clearly made out of cardboard boxes spray-painted silver dancing to “The Stripper,” but because of the cutaways to Richard and Karen reacting to…something that is definitely not what we the viewers are watching. I promise you, there is a very real chance that these cutaways could induce an asthma attack from how hard you’ll be laughing.
With these warnings having been issued, I am now hereby absolved of any responsibility from your viewing of The Carpenters: Space Encounters and, as such, you may enter at your own risk.
May the Force - or some reasonable approximation thereof - be with you.